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I Told You About All Those Fears

August 29, 2013

In response to the Daily Prompt (Can’t Drive 55): “Take the third line of the last song you heard, make it your post title, and write for a maximum of 15 minutes. GO!”

I worry.  That is my natural state.  Something comes up, and I worry about it.  It’s not just like, “Well, I hope this turns out well.”  It’s more like Wanda from The Magic School Bus shouting, “What are we going to do?  What are we going to do?!”  That’s me, minus the theatrics and with added hair-scratching.  The end is nigh at the slightest inconvenience.

Today I discovered that one of the hinges on my laptop screen is loose.  Everything else works, and it’s still pretty stable, and the guy I showed it to said he could fix it in 30 minutes when his schedule clears up.  But the worry comes anyway.  “What if the screen flies off when I try to open the lid?  I’ve got a five-page paper due next Friday!  This is a disaster!”

Not as bad as the day before, when I found I was almost out of razor blades.  “Oh no!  I’m…”  Okay, I’ll admit, even I don’t know how the apocalyptic feeling came from that one.  But, silly as it was, it did.

What compounds my worrying is my reluctance to open up to others.  I’ve always buried my emotions deep within my mind.  I wouldn’t say I “bottle them up”, because that’s to explosive an image.  It’s more like shoving them under the floorboards.  You know they’re there, but you’re able to ignore them for snatches of time.

But, slowly, I’ve learned to be more forthcoming with what’s on my mind.  I’m thankful that I have people in my life who I may confide in, and they have been a big help during moments of more existential crises.  I won’t go into detail here, but just knowing those people exist makes life just a bit nicer.  So, to all of you, “Thanks a million.”

So, yeah, when you worry–and this is self-directed, as I’m in no position to be anyone’s life coach–let it out.  Talk it out.  Because, as James Mercer put it: “I told you about all those fears, and away they did run.”

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